I Fail Evry Day

Yes, I see, I spelled every wrong in the title. I left it there on purpose. I fail all the time. I get things wrong all day long. I put so much pressure on myself to get things right that I get uptight and get them wrong. Wrong, wrong, wait for it..... wrong! There are times when I get so upset and frustrated I cry (fail). Maybe not on the outside, but inside I feel like Cinderella when her step sisters tore her gorgous dress apart. Crushed and hopeless, basically a hot mess. My want of perfection or at the least a yummy healthy dinner, puts strain on my marriage and my relationship with my kids (fail). When I am stressed and upset I tend to snap easily (fail). So I push my loved ones away (fail), trying to make things perfect for my loved ones!? So insane!!!
My point here is I am going to breath and except my failures. I will laugh and turn them into learning oppurtunities for my family. It is not to late to teach my children anything! After all, its just dust in the wind. At the end of the day I know I want my family to be in peace and see Gods love through me, not avoiding the emotional mess that I can be. I will remember Martha and Mary:
But the Lord answered her "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is nesacary, Mary has chosen the good portion and it will not be taken from her." 
 Luke 10:41-42
The good portion in this verse is time with Jesus. FYI : time with Jesus is super important! But it does not mean you have to be reading the bible all day, but in connection with him all day. Talk to him like He is in the room with you. Well because truthfully He is.

"Jesus I am not going to let these worldy wants of perfection ruin my peace I have been given by you."
"Oh Jesus, I've burnt the pancakes again, it's a good thing my soul wont burn lol!"
" We are eating fast food again, even though its not the way I want to eat, bless it to our bodies anyway and bless the hands that made it too"
" My house is not as neat as I want it to be Jesus, good thing my soul is white as snow!"
" I want to yell at my kids again, why cant they just do things the first time I ask? Oh your right, I have a hard time doing things you ask the first time too."
"Why cant I be more like so and so?

It seems funny to talk outloud to an empty room or maybe not empty if your family is home. But it will help. I will show my kids going to God all thee time and talking it out helps! I am not a failure, but a work in progress. A work that will only be finished as I enter the gates of Heaven.

Love,
Ashley B.

Bible Study!!!

What division and not fitting in at Church has led me to do...

So last night I was trying to write a new post on division. How upset and troubled I was at all the division I see all around. The subject always led me back to exclusion going on  in the Church, how I have never fit in and what a constant struggle that was for me. It kept sneaking into what I thought I was supposed to be writing about. I would turn the page and start writing all over again just to be back on to my sadness over fitting in. By the fourth time I started over I gave in. God was clearly showing me something. I came to this conclusion...
 I am sick of hitting up against that social wall, so sick of it that I am now going to a church  that I know I will never fit into just so I don't feel I have to try. Don't get me wrong, it is a great church. The kids are blossoming and the messages are great. Any who I am trailing off..... As I was writing last night I began to cry. I cried for me at first, but I also cried for all the women who have tried to find a place and left, never to know just how inclusive Jesus really is. Can you imagine Jesus not inviting you in just because you weren't the "right" kind of person. The idea is laughable because it is so far from who He is. For some time now God has been calling me to start a bible study at home. I have always been excited about the idea but never started anything because, well, what if no one shows? God told me if no one shows I am to do the study anyway. AAAAHHHH so scary! Today I made an event on Facebook and invited women from town to come. I cant back out now!!! Again AAAAAHHHH so scary!!! Our first study will be about the Work of the Spirit. It's a non denominational study so that everyone can come . Let those dividing walls fall down!! Every woman is welcome to come to my house the first Thursday of every month at 7 pm to share in Gods word. I hope to see you here.

Love, Ashley B.

Cleaning Schedule

Here is what I try to do everyday. The key word being TRY. Feel free to print this out and use.

I try not to beat myself up when nothing on this list gets done. Life is life, and at the end of it you wont be complaining about how you should have gotten the dishes done more. As Ceo of your household, go ahead and delegate as much as possible. 

Love,

Ashley B. 

Let go and let God

Nearly every night when I close my eyes to sleep an array of have to do's and should have done's run through my mind. It can be extremely overwhelming and frustrating. I play out different scenarios in my head over and over, again and again. I worry about things that I have no control over and that may never even happen. I begin to feel desperate, lost, depressed and anxious. Not a single one of these feelings is of God. None of these thoughts I am wrestling around with are: true, noble, right, pure, lovely, excellent or worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). Those are the things that should consume my thoughts.

When I begin to let all the craziness take over my brain I need to remember that I can change my thoughts. Worrying is for the devil, not the Children of God. I am submitting my mind to Christ and the devil will flee from it (James 4:7). I am laying all my woes at the feet of the cross, and giving it all to God  (1 peter 5:7) , who knows far better what I need then I do (Jeremiah 29:11)My heart will trust God, and I will not try to fix or solve things that ought to be left to Him. God will guide my path (Proverbs 3:5-6). When I do this God will give me heart peace (Psalm 94:19).

I hope this helps you as much as it has and will continue to help me.

Love,

Ashley B.

He told his mom about how good these cookies are!!!

My mother in law makes wonderful desserts. As the matriarch of the family she enjoys baking her yummy delights for her family on special occasions almost as much as she enjoys telling you "No" when you ask for her recipe. To be honest most of her recipes are on brittle pieces of paper with really vague directions only she would  understand anyway. Not to mention I think they are just suggestions for how to bake this or that.
She is an Old School baker, you know, the kind we all aspire to be. Maybe that will put into perspective on just how giddy I was when I mentioned my new cookie recipe to her and she informed me my husband had already been bragging about them. I felt like I was about to fall over, or jump up to do a jig, or cry tears of joy. As I am sure some of you wives know that feeling of finally comparing to your mother in law's kitchen skills. That moment when you gain that notch on your apron strings! It's empowering for sure. Needless to say I am proud of myself enough to share this recipe with you.

My oatmeal cookie recipe, I now proudly refer to as my, He told his mom how good they are, Oatmeal Raisin Cookies is as follows:


Ingredients

1 Cup Salted Butter (softened)
2 Cups Turbinado Sugar
2 tsp. Vanilla Extract
2 Eggs
1 1/2 Cups flour
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
3 Cups Rolled Oats
1 1/2 Cups Raisins

Preheat oven to 350*
In a mixer cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time then add in vanilla, scraping down the sides of bowl with rubber spatula as you go.
In a separate medium bowl, mix flour salt and baking soda together. Add into butter mixture in thirds making sure to scrape down sides each time. Mix till just blended. Add in oats and raisins and mix until incorporated.
Using a cookie scoop or large tablespoon, place cookies an inch apart on a parchment lined cookie sheet and bake for 15 minutes or so. Keep an eye on your cookies and take them out when you think they are just underdone. They will  have give when you push down on the top. Let the cookies set up for 2 minutes on cookie sheet before transferring to cooling racks.

This recipe makes approximately 64 yummy cookies